I was very sad to learn today that my ex mother-in-law died on 11th April. Although she asked to see me before she died, my ex decided to deny her this. This entry though isn’t about his vindictiveness, both towards his mother, and towards me, but its about Beryl. She must have been so hurt when she thought I’d refused to see her and I’ll never be able to put this right. The only thing I can think of doing is writing it down in a letter to her. maybe she knows …

Dear Beryl,

I was so sad and shocked today when I found out that you are no longer with us. I deeply regret not contacting you in the last two years. I stayed away because I didn’t want to appear to be coming between you and your son. If your son had been a more rational person I wouldn’t have had to do this. If I’d only known how ill you were, and how you were asking to see me, I’d have been there, you know that. You were there for me during some very dark times in my life and I’ll never forget your kindness, if only I could have returned that kindness in some small way.

You were so good to me Beryl and so accepting of me right from the very beginning. I was always assured a very warm welcome in your house and have some wonderful memories of being there: of sitting in front of your coal fire in the winter; of roast dinners whatever the weather; of your garden surrounded by fields and your interest in everything I did.

I am sure that you have gone on to a better place and that you are at peace.

Angela and William now know where I am and I shall make sure they know they can call on me if ever the need arises. Andy has chosen his own path in life and that is up to him Beryl. I can do no more for him.

Remember when Trooper died, I told you about Rainbow Bridge? Well you will have found him there by now. Does he still bark at passing joggers?

With much love XXX

About Mel Griffiths

I live and work in Nottingham, England and am blind. This blog is often centred around things that happen to me because of being blind. This is my space to write and sometimes people will disagree with what I write, but its the one place I have in which to be frank and honest. I also like to reflect on the funnier side of life from time to time.
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