I didn’t write about this at the time, but for several weeks now I have been feeling very down and tearful. My sleep has been appalling again too. The worst of it all is that I don’t see a future for me. I don’t seem to be able to look forward to anything. If I could guarantee a way of committing suicide, I’d do it, but the fear of getting it wrong and waking up in QMC again has always stopped me.
Anyway, I had an appointment at the hospital on 11th January and after a bit of discussion, it was decided that I should start taking some medication again. I made it clear that I didn’t want the Venlafaxine again after the terrible numb state it left me in.
Now I’m taking Zispin. I’ve been on it for two weeks and the thing I have noticed is that I’m sleeping a whole lot better. I still don’t see a future, but its early days. However, I don’t seem to be crying as much as I was around Christmas time.