OK, so the last entry was the edited highlights. But there’s other stuff going on too which is really getting me down.
Two years ago, I was married with a decent joint income, a nice house, money for holidays and to run a car.
Now I have a fabulous little house, but my parents part own it and they seem to think they can just take over when they’re here. I don’t yet feel as though this is my house as my parents have spent so much time in it.
What’s really getting to me though is the fact that I have very few people close to me. I’ve met two very special people online recently and spent a lot of time chatting to them. However, one has withdrawn due to family commitments which I perfectly understand, and the other has withdrawn for I know not what reason. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong in my life. The latter friend says that nothing has changed with our friendship, but I don’t understand how this can be true as we have gone from speaking on Skype every day to six days without a conversation. We spoke briefly this evening but only because I persisted, but their mind didn’t seem quite with me. I’m starting to suspect all sorts of scenarios which I’m sure are not happening, but I have too much time to think.
I don’t know what to do now. Whether I should back right off and let that friend come to me, or not as the case may be. Or maybe I should keep persisting but I think this would probably be the wrong thing to do.
Anyway, I now live in a new area where I don’t know anyone. I’m alone for the first time in my life, and right now I hate it. Everyone says how great it is that I can start anew, but I have never felt so scared. This shouldn’t be happening. I’m 41 and it really came home to me the other day at work when i was asked to provide an emergency contact name and phone number for their records, should I be taken ill or have an accident at work.
I couldn’t provide one in the Nottingham area. I ended up giving them no person’s details.
I want so much to get things right, especially with my withdrawn friend. At times like this I envy those who have got religion. If I had it, I’d pray.