eye Poking

A strange title for a blog post you might say, unless of course you are part of, or have knowledge of, the blind community.

Eye poking is an unfortunate habit that some blind children have which, if not corrected, can also continue into adulthood. Many people say that it provides stimulation to the eyes where there is none in blind children. It causes much distress to parents and family members and even sets the blind community apart, those who do not do it often site themselves as being better functioning or socially more acceptable than those who do.

I was born with Lebers Congenital Amaurosis and I used to be an eye poker. I’m not proud of it but I am also not as ashamed of it as I used to be.

I spent my childhood being constantly pulled up about it. I was at time shouted at because of it and was offered bribes if I stopped doing it or privileges were withdrawn because I did it.

I am an intelligent person and know that eye poking is unsightly, it is not good for the eyes and it is behaviour which draws attention to blind people for all the wrong reasons. However, even as an adult, I found myself doing it, often when I was concentrating particularly hard or if I was tired. I also regularly experienced extreme discomfort in my eyes which was only relieved when the eye was pressed on. This was something I just accepted to be the norm.

I have no evidence to prove this but it seems that eye poking is particularly prevalent amongst those of us with Lebers Congenital Amaurosis and I wonder, therefore, if the discomfort I experienced was due to the condition itself.

Due to further complications I have now had both my eyes removed. This was done over a period of just over a year and I noticed, when the first one was removed that I no longer attempted to poke that eye. Since the second was removed, I can categorically say that I never poke my eyes, even inadvertently when I’m concentrating.

The point I am making here is that, for years I was ashamed of the habit and ashamed of myself when I found that I was doing it. I was made to feel that it was a failing and that I was a lesser person because I did it.

Yes, it is something that you can learn not to do and all the reasons why you shouldn’t do it, but I firmly believe that the discomfort I experienced was a major factor as to why I could never wholly break the habit.

So, I would say to you if you have a child or family member who pokes their eyes, talk to them about why it is not a good habit to have. Guide them, don’t punish them. Warm or cold pads on tired eyes can be a suitable alternative if at home.

The chances are, they are not poking their eyes to be difficult or because they don’t care how they look. Please, be kind and don’t let them experience the shame I did.

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End of a Journey

The powers that be in the visual impairment sector seem to love to talk about “Sight Loss Journeys” so maybe I could have an “Eye Loss Journey”? Fine as far as it goes except that I actively chose to have them removed rather than just randomly losing them somewhere! Whatever the journey might or might not be, it came to an end today.

I finally had my matching pair of prosthetic eyes fitted and am thrilled to bits with them. I believe that I have better looking eyes than I have had for a long time and of course, the pain and discomfort have all gone.

When I was a small child I used to refer to going to see the eye specialist as going to have my eyes shined! This takes on a whole new meaning for me now as hopefully the only follow up I will need is a regular polish!

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Even After 28 Years

… I can still be amazed just how well a guide dog can work.

Almost a year ago I went with a mobility specialist from Guide Dogs to learn a route through Nottingham City Hospital to the department where I have to go to have my prosthetic eyes fitted.

For those who aren’t familiar with the hospital, it is one of those large campuses with lots of different buildings, car parks, little Roads, some with pavements and some without. We worked out a route and ran through it a couple of times then I assumed that I’d visit again fairly quickly so that I’d remember it.

For various reasons I didn’t visit that department again until today. I nearly had a taxi as I was a little unsure about the route and wondered how Hudson would cope with it. At the last minute I decided to walk.

All I can say is that Hudson was truly amazing. He remembered everything we’d gone through, even down to remembering where to cross on a busy road with no crossing. He was incredible. So confident and sure of himself, and gave me so much confidence.

I really don’t know how dogs retain this information but all I do know is that Hudson’s capability for remembering routes is outstanding. I really was in awe of that dog today.

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Happy 2018!

It’s a quiet sort of new year’s day so time for a little reflection.

For me, 2017 had some highs and some lows but it was a reasonably positive year. I started the year with a very poorly dog who managed to get some wood lodged in his digestive system! This resulted in emergency surgery on the 2nd of January. Thankfully he made a full recovery and has been an excellent guide dog since then.

I started the year with no job but by May i was working again, this time for Guide Dogs in Nottingham. I’m enjoying the work and the challenges it throws at me and work with some fabulous people and gorgeous dogs!

I had my left eye removed which might seem like a bad thing to most people, but for me it was a positive step. No more eye pain and, once I get the prosthetic eye in a week’s time, a better looking eye too.

My husband qualified with his first guide dog, Utah, in July which means we are now a two dog household! He is settling down well to his work and into our lives. It’s difficult to imagine that there was a time when he wasn’t with us.

The horrible side to 2017 was that a very good friend died on 1st December. He was kind, funny and above all, a true genteleman and willl be sadly missed. Two other friends also died, one in August and one in October I had lost touch with both of them for reasons which I won’t go into, something which I deeply regret. Whilst I don’t make new year’s resolutions, these circumstances have made me resolve to keep my friends closer to me in the future.

So, Whatever you’re doing, I hope 2018 is good to you and thanks for reading.

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Who exactly Was the Rude One?

Today I was sitting on a bus with my guide dog beside me. He was resting his head in my lap whilst I was gently stroking his head and reading a book. Very relaxing and very cute!

Suddenly I realised that a strange hand was also on my dog’s head, trying to move my hand out of the way! I said “Excuse me” and tried to remove the strange hand but got no reply. I then said it a little louder along with “What do you think you’re doing?” The owner of the hand, an older male, then said that he was just stroking the dog, not hurting him. I replied that I didn’t know what his intentions were as he hadn’t done me the courtesy of asking me first. He huffed and tutted and got off the bus.

I then had to listen to whisperings around me about how rude I’d been. Yes, I was maybe a little abrupt but surely he deserved it?

He decided that it was OK to invade my personal space and interfere with something that is mine without asking me first. Surely that is what is rude?

If he’d asked if he could stroke the dog I’d probably have said that he could. I’d have known then what his intentions were and I’d have felt a lot more comfortable.

But, as usual, I was left feeling like the bad guy because I’d spoken up for myself.

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Farewell to My Other Eye!

Or, so long and thanks for all the pain!


Having blogged fairly extensively last year about having my right eye removed, I decided that it wouldn’t make for particularly interesting reading if I did it all again but I wanted to write about a few things so here goes.

Early on this year it became apparent that the left eye was going the way of the right in terms of pain. I discussed this with my consultant with regard to my now having a job again and not wanting to have loads of absences due to eye pain and hospital visits if it got too bad. Because removing my right eye eliminated all the pain, it was agreed that she would remove my left.


This was done a month ago today. The experience was a little different. Having waited most of the day for my operation, I finally had it at 3:30. I believe the operation lasted for about three hours then I was taken back to the ward at 7 pm. by 9 pm I was in a taxi home! I was delighted to leave but actually a little shocked that it happened so quickly!

Once home I had the week with the pressure bandage which was uncomfortable and I felt very low following the anaesthetic which is normal for me!

Once the bandage came off I was so much better. Unlike last time, I obviously had no fear of what the eye would be like, having gone through it before, and in fact, it was a lot less sticky than my right eye had been at a similar time.

The following week I returned to work with very little discomfort.

I returned to see my consultant this week and have come away feeling a little disappointed after feeling that everything was going so well. I saw the lady who fits the prosthetic eyes, whose job title has completely eluded me,and, despite the fact that she has a matching pair of eyes which have been painted for me, the waiting list could be several months before she can fit them. I’m fairly pragmatic about walking around with what appears to be only one eye, but I’d so much like to have the other, particularly as I am bridesmaid for a friend at the end of January.

The other disappointment is that my right eye may need a further skin graft which could mean more surgery which is a nuisance. I’ve really had my fill of general anaesthetics recently as they make me so depressed!


In conclusion however, all is going the right way. I can’t wait to have my left eye as my right one looks so natural I am told by everyone. Above all, the pain has gone.

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There comes a point sometimes as a blind person, where you just have to accept that something is inaccessible, and moreover, there is little or no chance of it being fixed.

I’ve reached that point with voting. We do not have an equal experience as blind people and no one is in any hurry to change it. Yes, we have the template but as I have said many times before, it is not fit for purpose.

Take today for example. I arrived at my local polling station in two minds whether or not to use the template However, I was greeted in a very loud voice, probably a good 20 decibels louder than that used for other voters with the words “Do you want the … er … thing for partially sighted?” I guess that meant the template.

At that point I made a snap decision. I was tired and wanted to be sure that my vote was cast correctly. I presumed that the polling station staff had little knowledge of the template as they didn’t seem to even know what to call it! So, I said I didn’t want the template and could someone fill in my form for me.

This was done with very little fuss and I hope my cross was put in the right box but I’ll never know. I also waived my right to a secret ballot by telling the member of staff where to place my cross.

Yes I could have used the template but it relies on the fact that it has to be fixed to the form and lined up correctly. It then relies on my making a mark with the pencil that can be seen. All things over which I have no control or influence.

Until someone actually makes the Electoral Commission believe that this system is not enabling independent voting for blind people, nothing will change. Currently, blind people, along with those who represent us are not prepared to stand up and be counted. They seem happy to go along with the status quo.

I sometimes feel like a bit of a loan voice in the wilderness over this one. Maybe people feel differently this year, I hope so. Maybe it’s time I started to make some noise again.

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